My weight is not the issue...YOUR weight is!!!

So, Upair lost four kilos and now he is over the moon. Losing four kilos means:

A. He can now sleep late, without feeling guilty about having missed his morning walk.

B. He can now officially vouch for bread and cheese spread dinner, ‘coz that’s what he was having throughout this “dieting” phase.

C. He can finally dream of fitting into his old jeans one day.
And

D. This is his favourite part- he can tease me endlessly for not having lost weight.

Now while I am completely ok with A, B and C, it is the point D that worries me. This is because I have few points of my own. These points might be obvious to all humans, but just humour me, I am going to make you read through them, anyway.
So here are the reasons why point D bothers me (And just so that this intellectual discourse does not confuse you too much, I am going to number these points with numbers and not alphabets. Yeah, I am very sweet that way.):

1. I am in no hurry to lose weight. I am not that overweight. Besides, if I can really put on lots of weight, people will think I am pregnant and I will get seats everywhere. Bus, restaurants, taxis, hospitals- make way for Ida! Of course, it is not good to exploit people like this. That is why I advice you folks not to put on too much weight and act pregnant…unless you are pregnant, then it is totally alright, but if you are really pregnant just don’t use the same bus I do, I WANT THE SEAT! And since I don’t have any scruples, I do not mind others thinking that I’m pregnant!

2. I am not ready to give up junk food. I think this is what Upair basically wants. I think he feels jealous that I gorge down all the delicious goodies while he is stuck eating pears and apples. Should I succumb to his selfish manoeuvres? I think not, I have too much character to fall for such self-centred tricks. I love my junk food and no way am I going to let it down.

3. I am in depression. As any normal woman who is married will tell you, depression is the normal state of married life. And the best way to get over it? EAT! Upair, of course, is depressed too, but by depriving himself of the comfort food, he is making his condition worse. I, on the other hand, am improving. Not that I am not depressed anymore, at least I have food to cheer me up.

4. When Upair starts teasing me about my eating habits, I start noticing my figure and in the process I notice my clothes. And then I notice that the clothes don’t fit too well. And then I start thinking that I need new clothes that compliment my new “figure”. Then I want to go shopping. This means expenditure for Upair. And at least somebody here (me, me, me!!) is trying to be a good partner and not trouble the other too much. So, here I am, making sacrifices for him and he dares tease me!

So, this, in brief, is the reason why I don’t like point D. But there is no stopping Upair. So, there is only one thing I can do- make all the food that he craves and then feed him and stuff him and make him put on the 4 kilos he has lost. That way, I can live in peace again. *EVIL GRIN*

PS: Just realised I managed to offend the overweight, the obese, the men, the married and the pregnant. Any sections I have not offended yet will soon be covered, so wait your turn and be patient.
PPS: The above was just a joke and I apologise to all I might have offended.
PPPS: Maybe.
PPPPS: Maybe maybe.
PPPPPS: Maybe maybe maybe.
PPPPPPS: Ok, I’ll stop now.

UPDATE: I have deleted my rant files blog. You can find those and other posts now at: http://idagoingnowhere.blogspot.com/

My template is like my husband...

Dear Diary,

This is what I did today:
I decided to change the template of my blog, because even though it is good and all it is too perfect to reflect the real "me".
Then I searched a million(419,000,000) websites and selected templates that reflected the real me.
Then I tried the new templates to see how they looked, only to discover that I would lose my widgets if I tried a new template.
So I dug through 49,100 pages for "how to save followers widget when changing template" And learnt how to do it from http://bloggersentral.blogspot.com/2009/04/keeping-your-widgets-when-changing.html
Then I thought of trying it on my blog.
But then I stopped myself because, I realized that this template is just like Upair. It might not be exactly what I wanted, it might not be my carbon copy, but I have grown to like it for what it is. I am used to it, and it is lovely in its own way...so dear diary, I guess I will stick to this.

Ida.

We love the things we hate about each other...but what we "really" love is to sleep

So, our marriage is now officially one year old. Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary....and all Upair has till now to show of it is a few months of continuous headache, a few (like 3-dozen-a-day....pretty low, right) acidity attacks, a teeny- little potbelly and that's about it...I mean, no prescriptions for Prozac or Xanax or any other fun stuff all other married couple have!! I know, I am pretty slow...but months of headache, I can't be ALL bad at this "being wife" business,huh?
I know he often has tears in his eyes, but that must just be the joy of living with me, right?
The basic problem is that his idea of ideal wife is this




And I am more like this

(I don't know if I am allowed to use these pictures, but hey, whoever owns this, you must understand that you are contributing to a great cause- explaining to the world what I would never have been able to in words, and besides I have given links to your site, so you get free back links and you must be happy, but if you would still want me to remove it...just write in...)

So, anyway, now you know what lies at the crux of a happy marriage- a husband who has so bad a headache that he cannot notice what's wrong with his wife anymore and a wife so ill all the time that she is beyond thinking about anything but sleep...

Therefore, you can safely say that we "slept" our way through one full year of married life...others might tell you that you have to communicate...that is true, you MUST talk, but not to each other...my hubby talks to his cars and gadgets, I talk to random strangers on the internet...see, perfect harmony...

We went out to The Rennaissance yesterday(the name of a Hotel and not a theatre group)...I was dissapointed to find that the waiters there do NOT dress up like Rennaissance artists and they do not have brush-shaped forks and knives and verses of poem printed on the tablecloth....does nobody have a sense of theme anymore??? But seriously, the place looked great and the food was even better and I would reccomend it to anybody who loaths bland food, 'coz the food there is anything but bland...

We are both like seated in this romantic table and I am all thinking about how in-love we must look and Upair actually says the most romantic thing he can say, he calls me "Mandi"(Something equal to an Idiot in Malayalam, but in a sweet way)..yeah, coming from Upair, that's high romance....so now I am all over the moon and can't stop all the love that is flowing out of me....we finished dinner, went for a leeetle drive, came back and slept...slept, seriously, that was us after one year:) Still surviving.....

How I could be a birdbrain and a genius in the same blog post....

Here I am again, I was planning on posting this earlier but other important things came up- there were some really fun Disney youtube videos that I just had to see (of course the fact that I was going to get a whole $0.02 for every view helped the cheapo in me).

I sat through the whole clip, only to realize that you have to be a member of youtube to write reviews. So had to create a new account and sign in. I am really tired of signing up everywhere. I keep forgetting the passwords. I used to have one password for all my accounts but it was just another thing for Upair to tease me with. “All women are the same…they are too birdbrained to remember more than one password and they do not realize how unsafe it is”…hmmm…just to prove to him that I was no birdbrain, I decided to have new passwords for all the places I signed up.

Except that I did end up forgetting all the passwords, so now I actually AM a proven birdbrain. But then I discovered this bright method of “customizing” my passwords. My password would simply be the name of the website. If it was too short, I just repeated the name of the site twice.
I know, I know, it must be too difficult to figure out my genius. Here’s an example:

Say I was starting an account on Google, my password would be google or googlegoogle. Brilliant, aren’t I? Except that now I have written it on my blog, every crook out there wishing to steal my money would know exactly what my password is…hmmm…writing this was not too bright thing to do, eh? But I guess not many hackers out there will be willing to actually go into the trouble of getting into my account to get the $0.02 that I earned watching youtube… ‘coz that’s all there is. Really! Trust a birdbrain to tell the truth!

So, coming back to the post, I had mentioned a park yesterday, turns out its name is Priyadarshini park. Upair looked it up on the Google maps for me, so you can be sure. Had I looked it up, I would have found out Brindavan Gardens in Karnataka and not know the difference and you would gone around searching for Brindavan gardens all around Kochi. And some “helpful” youngster would have given you the direction to the gays' park in Kochi (Yes, there is such a place, except that it is called something else and I am not going to tell you what it is really called!)…and you would have been like , “Why did Ida find this park spectacular?” and then would have Googled Brindavan Gardens and would have discovered that it is in Karnataka and you would know really how stupid I could be…thanks to Upair, we were all saved a lot of trouble…

The Park (Priyadarshini, not Brindavan, and not gays' park, either, you perv!) is near the Taj Malabar Hotel. And believe me it is worth forgetting the atrociously priced food in Taj Malabar and giving it a miss and heading for the park. The scenery is too good to be missed. The walkway in front of it also has a name that Google map doesn’t mention. Upair and I have read the name a thousand times but the birdbrained me and the not-so-birdbrained Upair have totally forgotten the name of the road. See, you do not get too far in life by not being birdbrained…why not stick to the simple birdbrained state? But I AM NOT BIRDBRAINED and don’t you dare suggest that…

I am including few snaps of the spooky place I had mentioned. Unfortunately the camera worked a bit too well and the place looks brighter in the photo than it really is. Boo-hoo, it does not look gloomy anymore: (

The Not-spooky-enough Priyadarshini Park(NOT BRINDAVAN GARDENS)

Well, this has again turned out to be long post. You guys are really a talkative bunch!! Oops, just looked at the comments and saw “0” comments…I guess I became a little extra chatty. So, again I am not able to write about the Attic. All that and more in the next post, ok?

((((((Hugs))))))