Hi...hellllooooo...namaste....namaskaram...Vannakkam....assalam alekum...sasriakal:)

Soooo, as you must have guessed by now, I'm here again.Tee-hee!
Been under a lot of pressure lately, so couldn't write in, but if you think I am going to entertain you with what I have been through, well, I'm sorry. NO way am I going to bore myself with that!!!!
I missed all my friends here, so AM BACK. And that's about it!!!!
See you all soon, with a nice (ahem, nice is a VERY subjective term;P) post.
Till then, a HUGE HUG AND A HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE "HI"!!
Keep smiling.
Thanks for remembering me.

PS: My blog title has been eaten up by the internet monster, the post originally said:"Hi...hellllooooo...namaste....namaskaram...Vannakkam....assalam alekum...sasriakal:)" and therefore it did make sense....but the blogspot people must have "Ida-ised" the title!!!

You guys are getting luckier by the day....

I just got back from a break and now I have to go again...my sis just gave birth to her second baby(both boys).
So bye for now guys and take care...I'll be back soon, so don't get used to living in peace without my posts:)
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

My weight is not the issue...YOUR weight is!!!

So, Upair lost four kilos and now he is over the moon. Losing four kilos means:

A. He can now sleep late, without feeling guilty about having missed his morning walk.

B. He can now officially vouch for bread and cheese spread dinner, ‘coz that’s what he was having throughout this “dieting” phase.

C. He can finally dream of fitting into his old jeans one day.
And

D. This is his favourite part- he can tease me endlessly for not having lost weight.

Now while I am completely ok with A, B and C, it is the point D that worries me. This is because I have few points of my own. These points might be obvious to all humans, but just humour me, I am going to make you read through them, anyway.
So here are the reasons why point D bothers me (And just so that this intellectual discourse does not confuse you too much, I am going to number these points with numbers and not alphabets. Yeah, I am very sweet that way.):

1. I am in no hurry to lose weight. I am not that overweight. Besides, if I can really put on lots of weight, people will think I am pregnant and I will get seats everywhere. Bus, restaurants, taxis, hospitals- make way for Ida! Of course, it is not good to exploit people like this. That is why I advice you folks not to put on too much weight and act pregnant…unless you are pregnant, then it is totally alright, but if you are really pregnant just don’t use the same bus I do, I WANT THE SEAT! And since I don’t have any scruples, I do not mind others thinking that I’m pregnant!

2. I am not ready to give up junk food. I think this is what Upair basically wants. I think he feels jealous that I gorge down all the delicious goodies while he is stuck eating pears and apples. Should I succumb to his selfish manoeuvres? I think not, I have too much character to fall for such self-centred tricks. I love my junk food and no way am I going to let it down.

3. I am in depression. As any normal woman who is married will tell you, depression is the normal state of married life. And the best way to get over it? EAT! Upair, of course, is depressed too, but by depriving himself of the comfort food, he is making his condition worse. I, on the other hand, am improving. Not that I am not depressed anymore, at least I have food to cheer me up.

4. When Upair starts teasing me about my eating habits, I start noticing my figure and in the process I notice my clothes. And then I notice that the clothes don’t fit too well. And then I start thinking that I need new clothes that compliment my new “figure”. Then I want to go shopping. This means expenditure for Upair. And at least somebody here (me, me, me!!) is trying to be a good partner and not trouble the other too much. So, here I am, making sacrifices for him and he dares tease me!

So, this, in brief, is the reason why I don’t like point D. But there is no stopping Upair. So, there is only one thing I can do- make all the food that he craves and then feed him and stuff him and make him put on the 4 kilos he has lost. That way, I can live in peace again. *EVIL GRIN*

PS: Just realised I managed to offend the overweight, the obese, the men, the married and the pregnant. Any sections I have not offended yet will soon be covered, so wait your turn and be patient.
PPS: The above was just a joke and I apologise to all I might have offended.
PPPS: Maybe.
PPPPS: Maybe maybe.
PPPPPS: Maybe maybe maybe.
PPPPPPS: Ok, I’ll stop now.

UPDATE: I have deleted my rant files blog. You can find those and other posts now at: http://idagoingnowhere.blogspot.com/

Me back! You back?...Me crazy, as usual:)

Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, Oh –My- God!!! Is it really more than a week since I last posted? Shameful! Disgraceful! Oh my God! (Yeah, for an agnostic, I am pretty possessive about my God!)(Oops, too many sentences with exclamation mark!…oops, did it again)

Actually, the reasons for this are many and it might be pretty torturous experience reading through all the reasons. But I will put you through it anyway. As a book I am reading these days puts it, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” So, I will, in fact, be doing you guys a favor. You’re welcome.

So here are the reasons I did not post these past few days:

1.I help out in our family business. (No, that is not a reason, I am just starting at the start, be patient!) This week the phone was ringing off the hook because we had places few ads. So a lot of my time was spent answering questions like (these are all real questions, mind you!)-

a.Caller:You are giving a free book, why are you giving a free book? Why don’t you want money? Is it really free, or are you just saying this?
b.Caller((a person from North East India):I am in Kerala now, how far is Kochi from here?
c.Caller: Have you sent the books?
Me: Yes.
Caller: How did you send it?
Me: By registered post.
Caller: How many days does it take to reach “xyz” (some unknown part of the world)?
Me: Usually 7-10 days.
Caller: Can’t you make it faster?
(This after the books have been sent, I think he expected me to steal the parcel from the post office and then rush into my private jet to deliver the books to him personally.)
d.Caller: Amma @@##$%^*(Some gibberish in some language I did not understand, I don’t think they were swear words…I hope not)
Me: Beg you pardon?
Caller: Amma @@##$%^*
Me: Hello, can you speak English?
Caller: Entha ooru? (Literally: Which place?, in Tamil )
Me: Kerala- Kochi.
Caller: (In English) Keep phone.
e.Caller: I have no friends, I want learn English language. You talk me everyday. I friend you daily and talk phone. Ok?
Me: Sorry, I can’t speak to you on phone daily. I have to work.
Caller: When work over? I am decent man. Don’t take wrong, ok?
Me: I am sorry, that is not possible (Hang up.)
f.Caller:Hello, is it Reader’s Digest? (Because one of the ads appeared in RD!!)
And this goes on and on and on.

2.Another related problem is that I get these wonderful emails:

a.Some that give addresses like- Ravinder Singh,
Amritsar,
Punjab.
And when I write in to them asking for their complete address, they try to convince me that this address is sufficient!
b.Or say stuff like- I had read your ad in 1978. I have always read your ads. Can you give me a discount? (Yeah, that is some kind of loyalty that DESERVES discounts!)
c.I had got a discount offer from you, the last date was June 2,1999. I want that same discount now, because I did not use it then. (Totally his birth right)
So as you can imagine, I am pretty much at my wit’s end (which is not to far from the beginning, given that I do not have a wit to begin with!) but it does not end here.

3.I had a room in the office all to myself (Ah! Those days!). But now because of space constrains with new staff coming in and other issues, 5 people have shifted to my room. They do not talk loudly, they do not disturb me… but there is this constant buzz behind me which DOES NOT HELP writing. (Also I cannot waste my time on blogs when they are here, because this is our business and if we don’t appear sincere, what can we expect from the rest?)

4.My husband and mom (my MIL) love each other, but they tend to express this affection by shouting at each other at the drop the hat. They scream at each other and you really feel tempted to move away all sharp and harmful objects, lest they stab each other. It is sort of ok when they do it at home- only I have to witness it (they dare not scream that way in front of Dad) but when they do it in office, it can get a leeeeetle embarrassing, so I try to distract the staff with inane jokes. They’re neither funny, nor original and the staff has to bear the double torture of putting up with the fight and my jokes! So, this is a habit I am trying to get out of. But again, when they shout, writing is impossible.

5.I admit. All the other excuses, are just excuses, nothing concrete. I was busy and rest of the time I was just plain lazy. But I really could not get myself to do anything I loved- I didn’t go for walks, blog or even eat junk! So, it was sort of a sabbatical from all that I loved and NOW I AM BACK!(You are supposed to rejoice, not feel scared!)

So “Hi again! Wassup??”

Trekking days and fun memories...(not a funny post, but you know me, couldn't resist...)

Kochi is getting hot again...no rains for two days. Guess, this is really affecting my mood. So, to cheer myself up I thought I would write in:)
Actually I was asking Upair to take me out the other day. And he told me that there are no places to see in Kochi...yeah, right ! All those tourists who come here, might be here just because of the fame Ida and Upair bring to this city, 'coz there is nothing else to see!
So, I went and searched the net and gave him a list of places that are there in and around Kochi... and his reaction:? Well, these places are just over-hyped...
But at least we did go to Athirampally, so I'll quit complaining, for the time being...
I really used have a fun time when I was doing my post graduation in Pune. We would have classes from 9 to 9 and have every Thursday off and on Thursdays we had to do compulsory NGO work.... so wondering what could be so great about such a life, eh?
Actually so am I...stupid me...that was not the part of my life that I wanted to write about...what was great was that our class as a whole would go off on these treks:
Panchgani: We had gone there for a "Moral Re-armament Camp"...not that there was anything wrong with us morally (wink, wink)(winking some more in case you thought that the previous winks meant that we were morally all perfect) . We had the most wonderful time…we had to get up at five everyday…in the cold, rainy season, which is not so great. But misery loves company and since all of us were getting up, it was a pleasure. We explored the area, meditated, spent time with ourselves, wrote diaries and of course, because thekochiblogger is writing this, you have to expect this, gorged down amazingly tasty food…ah! Heaven!

Lonavala: We’d been trekking there and when we went there it rained, rained and rained some more. So, all I really remember is lots of fog, water and vada-paav and hot tea. Everything else is as slushy as the ground must have been….But I do remember the joy it brought(yes, vada-paav, of course, but not only that, c’mon, gimme some credit, I really loved the feel the exercise brought too! Nowadays whenever I feel like exercising, I just recollect the amount of effort I put in there…I think that was enough for a life-time: )) and feel 21 again!

Khandala: With all the hype “Aati kya Khandala”(Hindi movie song, starring Aamir Khan and Rani Mukherjee and those who don’t know this song will not understand the hype, so what is the point explaining it to you, anyway?) gave it, you would have expected me to go there…but I didn’t. We just stopped there on our way to some place…those days we used to go trekking to so many places that I forget exactly where we were going, but we did have hot chocolate fudge in Khandala and that is a memory worth treasuring.
Singhagad(not sure about the spelling…): The most imposing fort ever…truly, it was breathtaking. We had this looooooong climb up and kept cribbing all the way but when we reached up and looked down…wow! The astounding view was more than enough to make any effort worth it.

Hanuman Tekdi(again, spelling, uncertain-oops): Not to be confused with Thekkady in Kerala, which though beautiful, is nowhere near Pune, so why would anyone ever confuse it?…but that is how thekochiblogger operates…I see to it that you have a complete, confusion-free description of everything…ok, you can thank me later…ok, you can thank me now, if you so insist….but let me come back to Hanuman Tekdi which is this smaaal hill near Pune…it was our way to get out of the city, fast. Whenever we had a free hour, we would head that way…. the sight, must be seen to be believed…

Ah, those were the only times when life allowed me to trek…Miss the Maharashtra hills (or mountains…or whatever those elevated places are called…) Somewhere in these places I tasted strawberries and cream for the first time, had the hugest bread sandwich ever…I have felt closest to death and closest to life while trekking these hills…and if that is not Nirvana, Nirvana might not be all that great.

Actually stuff I wrote, as I did not want to work, read it only if you don't have any work...

Been reading and re-dreading without a single word ACTUALLY entering my brain. The topic? Horse grams! It is for my website: http://www.vegetablebuzz.com. You may click the link at your own risk, ‘coz this website is boring. Unless, you are really passionate about vegetable, gardening, cooking…the works. There, you have it, a disclaimer.


I have a friend, you know, a real good friend, the sort who can insult you and still be your friend? Well, she is that sort and she told me she tried going through my website and “Kitna boring hai bhai!” (A rhetoric in hindi “How boring is it?”…the bhai part is brother, but as she is not my brother and I am not her brother, that adds no meaning to it…except maybe serving as an equivalent for “dude”…but we are not here to learn Hindi grammar, are we? Let’s move on already…)
After getting this amazing compliment I have stopped directing anyone else to my website(Except you guys, but it did come with a disclaimer, so don’t complain…please, I don’t think my little heart can tolerate any more insults) I will just secretly add material to it and when one day it becomes THE WEBSITE. The website that is the last word on vegetables and I am declared the undisputable veggie queen, we’ll see who has the last laugh…grrr….seriously, I don’t see that happening- EVER. When I use up the time allotted for the website to write into my blog, there is only one future I can see for it- and that ain’t too bright.
But I promise myself I will go back to it and write the most fun articles in the history of vegetabledom…but first, lemme take a break to refresh my brain…
Went to Coimby yesterday… “What, again?” you ask. True, I should not torture my poor parents this often with my company…but my sis is pregnant and my MIL had to go “see” her, you know, “see” as in take kilos of sweets and snacks for her. Lucky neighbours! ‘Coz try as I might, I cannot imagine my sis eating all the stuff and even if my entire family put heart and soul into it, they would not be able to finish it all…so who benefits? The Neighbours. Besides I don’t think my sis will have vacancy for even a tiny food morsel after all the food my mom has been stuffing her with!

Being a pregnant lady in India is not easy, I will tell you that – after having seen my two sisters and a sister-in-law go through the torture of motherhood (shhhh…please don’t tell my MIL, my mom won’t mind, she knows I am deranged and doesn’t take anything I say seriously. MIL has not yet discovered this…I hope…) I am sort of a second-hand expert. First they are made to eat everything that they hate- from ghee, to sweets, to milk, to eggs(proteins, proteins and more proteins)…of course with all the proteins come fats, but moms are blind to this and continue forcing their daughters. And if that is not enough, they also eat everything they crave- because a pregnant lady’s cravings should not be ignored, plus they have to eat all the stuff that anybody who was ever pregnant and delivered a normal baby suggests. And this is just the tip of the iceberg…
But kidding apart, I am sure Indian women who are pregnant get the best treatment ever, they are treated like queens…but I guess when you are pregnant you are just too frustrated to notice…it is only after delivery, when sleepless nights take over and she turns into a veritable milk van, and the hubby suddenly becomes rude again that she actually looks upon her pregnant days as “those glorious days”.
So, the point I am trying to make is that, I have only experienced pregnancy second-hand and don’t know jack-shit about anything, so if I write this there is no reason that this is how things are…and since you wasted your time reading through this blog and could not come out with anything of value here’s a huge hug (((((HUGS)))))…
I am now crossing my fingers, hoping that I have something better to write tomorrow and that you’ll come back again- with all the hug bribe and all- and are not TOTALLY put off by the crap I wrote today.
Thanks: )

From Jayalakshmi..all the way to heaven, Ida gives you the best trips ever!

Rain, rain and more rain…Kochi is getting cleaned big-time. I had been planning to go visit my cousin, but the rain just does not allow that and I guess, she will just have to be deprived of my company.
Yesterday, I went to Jayalakshmi. According to Upair it is better than Seemati and Kalyan etc. I wouldn’t know because, unlike all women stereotypes, I LOATHE shopping. I try to put off shopping until it is unavoidable. Whenever I really need something, I just beg one my lady friends to buy it for me. Most of them have such patience for buying stuff. They carefully look at the material, the embroidery, search for damages. They look at thousands of pieces to select one. They bargain endlessly with the shopkeepers and seem to know instinctively what price he will settle at. I am hopeless in such matters.

I really like good clothes. Who doesn’t? But I just don’t have the patience to find the stuff I am looking for. It is the same with jewelry. I see all these women who careful co-ordinate their jewelry with their clothes and I really admire them. And then if someone points it out, I also notice how well they have matched their other accessories- their purses, shoes, husbands etc to compliment their dressing and I am like, “I am a total, complete, LOSER”.

But then I think of the hours they would have had to shop for these things, the time they would have to spend on the dressing-up and how careful they have to be, lest they spoil their careful ensemble and I feel pretty relieved. The time would be better utilized reading, surfing, eating, sleeping or writing…then I see all the snaps of parties and notice that I am the only one who looks like a rebel from a neighboring tribe who whilst escaping ended up in the party, while all the others look as if they have been specially invited by Pratibha Patil for a special ceremony in their honor, I get second thoughts about my sense of relief….
It is around this point that I turn towards the nearest food joint and THAT usually helps A LOT!
Speaking of food, after Jayalakshmi, we went to Dominos. Both of us like the pizza at Dominos more than Pizza Hut. We prefer the ambience in Pizza Hut and the service but the food is definitely better at Dominos. Especially “cheese burst” pizza. It all messy with white liquid oozing all over the sides but boy! what a lovely mess that is!


I was wondering if I die and go to heaven…I know, that is a big “IF” ‘coz:
a. We don’t know if there is a heaven, which I don’t think there is. It is just a way to justify our misery on earth.
b. We don’t know if I have a seat in heaven. I am a liar, a sinner and I have made my parents and loved ones miserable many times, I am jealous and bitchy, I am never satisfied with what I have, I also blog to harass strangers I cannot see…I know, I know, this and many other sins make up Ida but when you think that hell is going to be overpopulated anyway because there are people who have done much worse- I mean where would all those rapists, molesters, abusers, murderers etc go? And when you see the number of those REALLY evil ones, you wonder if there will be place for less evil ones like me. Which means that I might actually be able to find a place in heaven ‘coz hell would be way too populated and they would have to find some place for me…
But anyway, I was wondering if we go to heaven we would be stuck with “God food”. Like all those sweet/bland dishes you see at poojas – laddoos, payasam(kheer), peda, modak, puris and soondal(boiled chana) or if you think of Christian gods- Bread and wine. I do not know about other religions, but if other religions have “God food” and that is better than these I AM CONVERTING. ‘Coz if there is only God food in heaven then I just cannot survive!
Plus, I hope heaven is not all golden- golden trees, houses, roads etc, as they show in the pictures. THAT WOULD BE GROSS!!!!! If it is all golden, I hope I have a good pair of sunglasses! I mean, who would imagine a heaven like that? Must have been a mallu…who else can be THAT gold-crazy?

And while we are at it, I hope when I go to heaven, ok, IF I go to heaven, I get to use God’s shampoo ‘coz all these heaven pictures have Gods and Goddesses with really lovely hair….
Do you think fashion ever changes in heaven? If no one has any work to do, what do they do all day and who does the WORK? And if we have to work in heaven, why is it heaven again? I wonder if you can have unprotected sex in heaven, ‘coz nobody reproduces in heaven, right, so there should be no issue…And also if smokers and non-smokers go to different heaven? Well…I REALLY want to die now, the mystery is killing me...