From Jayalakshmi..all the way to heaven, Ida gives you the best trips ever!

Rain, rain and more rain…Kochi is getting cleaned big-time. I had been planning to go visit my cousin, but the rain just does not allow that and I guess, she will just have to be deprived of my company.
Yesterday, I went to Jayalakshmi. According to Upair it is better than Seemati and Kalyan etc. I wouldn’t know because, unlike all women stereotypes, I LOATHE shopping. I try to put off shopping until it is unavoidable. Whenever I really need something, I just beg one my lady friends to buy it for me. Most of them have such patience for buying stuff. They carefully look at the material, the embroidery, search for damages. They look at thousands of pieces to select one. They bargain endlessly with the shopkeepers and seem to know instinctively what price he will settle at. I am hopeless in such matters.

I really like good clothes. Who doesn’t? But I just don’t have the patience to find the stuff I am looking for. It is the same with jewelry. I see all these women who careful co-ordinate their jewelry with their clothes and I really admire them. And then if someone points it out, I also notice how well they have matched their other accessories- their purses, shoes, husbands etc to compliment their dressing and I am like, “I am a total, complete, LOSER”.

But then I think of the hours they would have had to shop for these things, the time they would have to spend on the dressing-up and how careful they have to be, lest they spoil their careful ensemble and I feel pretty relieved. The time would be better utilized reading, surfing, eating, sleeping or writing…then I see all the snaps of parties and notice that I am the only one who looks like a rebel from a neighboring tribe who whilst escaping ended up in the party, while all the others look as if they have been specially invited by Pratibha Patil for a special ceremony in their honor, I get second thoughts about my sense of relief….
It is around this point that I turn towards the nearest food joint and THAT usually helps A LOT!
Speaking of food, after Jayalakshmi, we went to Dominos. Both of us like the pizza at Dominos more than Pizza Hut. We prefer the ambience in Pizza Hut and the service but the food is definitely better at Dominos. Especially “cheese burst” pizza. It all messy with white liquid oozing all over the sides but boy! what a lovely mess that is!


I was wondering if I die and go to heaven…I know, that is a big “IF” ‘coz:
a. We don’t know if there is a heaven, which I don’t think there is. It is just a way to justify our misery on earth.
b. We don’t know if I have a seat in heaven. I am a liar, a sinner and I have made my parents and loved ones miserable many times, I am jealous and bitchy, I am never satisfied with what I have, I also blog to harass strangers I cannot see…I know, I know, this and many other sins make up Ida but when you think that hell is going to be overpopulated anyway because there are people who have done much worse- I mean where would all those rapists, molesters, abusers, murderers etc go? And when you see the number of those REALLY evil ones, you wonder if there will be place for less evil ones like me. Which means that I might actually be able to find a place in heaven ‘coz hell would be way too populated and they would have to find some place for me…
But anyway, I was wondering if we go to heaven we would be stuck with “God food”. Like all those sweet/bland dishes you see at poojas – laddoos, payasam(kheer), peda, modak, puris and soondal(boiled chana) or if you think of Christian gods- Bread and wine. I do not know about other religions, but if other religions have “God food” and that is better than these I AM CONVERTING. ‘Coz if there is only God food in heaven then I just cannot survive!
Plus, I hope heaven is not all golden- golden trees, houses, roads etc, as they show in the pictures. THAT WOULD BE GROSS!!!!! If it is all golden, I hope I have a good pair of sunglasses! I mean, who would imagine a heaven like that? Must have been a mallu…who else can be THAT gold-crazy?

And while we are at it, I hope when I go to heaven, ok, IF I go to heaven, I get to use God’s shampoo ‘coz all these heaven pictures have Gods and Goddesses with really lovely hair….
Do you think fashion ever changes in heaven? If no one has any work to do, what do they do all day and who does the WORK? And if we have to work in heaven, why is it heaven again? I wonder if you can have unprotected sex in heaven, ‘coz nobody reproduces in heaven, right, so there should be no issue…And also if smokers and non-smokers go to different heaven? Well…I REALLY want to die now, the mystery is killing me...