Hi...hellllooooo...namaste....namaskaram...Vannakkam....assalam alekum...sasriakal:)

Soooo, as you must have guessed by now, I'm here again.Tee-hee!
Been under a lot of pressure lately, so couldn't write in, but if you think I am going to entertain you with what I have been through, well, I'm sorry. NO way am I going to bore myself with that!!!!
I missed all my friends here, so AM BACK. And that's about it!!!!
See you all soon, with a nice (ahem, nice is a VERY subjective term;P) post.
Till then, a HUGE HUG AND A HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE "HI"!!
Keep smiling.
Thanks for remembering me.

PS: My blog title has been eaten up by the internet monster, the post originally said:"Hi...hellllooooo...namaste....namaskaram...Vannakkam....assalam alekum...sasriakal:)" and therefore it did make sense....but the blogspot people must have "Ida-ised" the title!!!

You guys are getting luckier by the day....

I just got back from a break and now I have to go again...my sis just gave birth to her second baby(both boys).
So bye for now guys and take care...I'll be back soon, so don't get used to living in peace without my posts:)
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

My weight is not the issue...YOUR weight is!!!

So, Upair lost four kilos and now he is over the moon. Losing four kilos means:

A. He can now sleep late, without feeling guilty about having missed his morning walk.

B. He can now officially vouch for bread and cheese spread dinner, ‘coz that’s what he was having throughout this “dieting” phase.

C. He can finally dream of fitting into his old jeans one day.
And

D. This is his favourite part- he can tease me endlessly for not having lost weight.

Now while I am completely ok with A, B and C, it is the point D that worries me. This is because I have few points of my own. These points might be obvious to all humans, but just humour me, I am going to make you read through them, anyway.
So here are the reasons why point D bothers me (And just so that this intellectual discourse does not confuse you too much, I am going to number these points with numbers and not alphabets. Yeah, I am very sweet that way.):

1. I am in no hurry to lose weight. I am not that overweight. Besides, if I can really put on lots of weight, people will think I am pregnant and I will get seats everywhere. Bus, restaurants, taxis, hospitals- make way for Ida! Of course, it is not good to exploit people like this. That is why I advice you folks not to put on too much weight and act pregnant…unless you are pregnant, then it is totally alright, but if you are really pregnant just don’t use the same bus I do, I WANT THE SEAT! And since I don’t have any scruples, I do not mind others thinking that I’m pregnant!

2. I am not ready to give up junk food. I think this is what Upair basically wants. I think he feels jealous that I gorge down all the delicious goodies while he is stuck eating pears and apples. Should I succumb to his selfish manoeuvres? I think not, I have too much character to fall for such self-centred tricks. I love my junk food and no way am I going to let it down.

3. I am in depression. As any normal woman who is married will tell you, depression is the normal state of married life. And the best way to get over it? EAT! Upair, of course, is depressed too, but by depriving himself of the comfort food, he is making his condition worse. I, on the other hand, am improving. Not that I am not depressed anymore, at least I have food to cheer me up.

4. When Upair starts teasing me about my eating habits, I start noticing my figure and in the process I notice my clothes. And then I notice that the clothes don’t fit too well. And then I start thinking that I need new clothes that compliment my new “figure”. Then I want to go shopping. This means expenditure for Upair. And at least somebody here (me, me, me!!) is trying to be a good partner and not trouble the other too much. So, here I am, making sacrifices for him and he dares tease me!

So, this, in brief, is the reason why I don’t like point D. But there is no stopping Upair. So, there is only one thing I can do- make all the food that he craves and then feed him and stuff him and make him put on the 4 kilos he has lost. That way, I can live in peace again. *EVIL GRIN*

PS: Just realised I managed to offend the overweight, the obese, the men, the married and the pregnant. Any sections I have not offended yet will soon be covered, so wait your turn and be patient.
PPS: The above was just a joke and I apologise to all I might have offended.
PPPS: Maybe.
PPPPS: Maybe maybe.
PPPPPS: Maybe maybe maybe.
PPPPPPS: Ok, I’ll stop now.

UPDATE: I have deleted my rant files blog. You can find those and other posts now at: http://idagoingnowhere.blogspot.com/

Me back! You back?...Me crazy, as usual:)

Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, Oh –My- God!!! Is it really more than a week since I last posted? Shameful! Disgraceful! Oh my God! (Yeah, for an agnostic, I am pretty possessive about my God!)(Oops, too many sentences with exclamation mark!…oops, did it again)

Actually, the reasons for this are many and it might be pretty torturous experience reading through all the reasons. But I will put you through it anyway. As a book I am reading these days puts it, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” So, I will, in fact, be doing you guys a favor. You’re welcome.

So here are the reasons I did not post these past few days:

1.I help out in our family business. (No, that is not a reason, I am just starting at the start, be patient!) This week the phone was ringing off the hook because we had places few ads. So a lot of my time was spent answering questions like (these are all real questions, mind you!)-

a.Caller:You are giving a free book, why are you giving a free book? Why don’t you want money? Is it really free, or are you just saying this?
b.Caller((a person from North East India):I am in Kerala now, how far is Kochi from here?
c.Caller: Have you sent the books?
Me: Yes.
Caller: How did you send it?
Me: By registered post.
Caller: How many days does it take to reach “xyz” (some unknown part of the world)?
Me: Usually 7-10 days.
Caller: Can’t you make it faster?
(This after the books have been sent, I think he expected me to steal the parcel from the post office and then rush into my private jet to deliver the books to him personally.)
d.Caller: Amma @@##$%^*(Some gibberish in some language I did not understand, I don’t think they were swear words…I hope not)
Me: Beg you pardon?
Caller: Amma @@##$%^*
Me: Hello, can you speak English?
Caller: Entha ooru? (Literally: Which place?, in Tamil )
Me: Kerala- Kochi.
Caller: (In English) Keep phone.
e.Caller: I have no friends, I want learn English language. You talk me everyday. I friend you daily and talk phone. Ok?
Me: Sorry, I can’t speak to you on phone daily. I have to work.
Caller: When work over? I am decent man. Don’t take wrong, ok?
Me: I am sorry, that is not possible (Hang up.)
f.Caller:Hello, is it Reader’s Digest? (Because one of the ads appeared in RD!!)
And this goes on and on and on.

2.Another related problem is that I get these wonderful emails:

a.Some that give addresses like- Ravinder Singh,
Amritsar,
Punjab.
And when I write in to them asking for their complete address, they try to convince me that this address is sufficient!
b.Or say stuff like- I had read your ad in 1978. I have always read your ads. Can you give me a discount? (Yeah, that is some kind of loyalty that DESERVES discounts!)
c.I had got a discount offer from you, the last date was June 2,1999. I want that same discount now, because I did not use it then. (Totally his birth right)
So as you can imagine, I am pretty much at my wit’s end (which is not to far from the beginning, given that I do not have a wit to begin with!) but it does not end here.

3.I had a room in the office all to myself (Ah! Those days!). But now because of space constrains with new staff coming in and other issues, 5 people have shifted to my room. They do not talk loudly, they do not disturb me… but there is this constant buzz behind me which DOES NOT HELP writing. (Also I cannot waste my time on blogs when they are here, because this is our business and if we don’t appear sincere, what can we expect from the rest?)

4.My husband and mom (my MIL) love each other, but they tend to express this affection by shouting at each other at the drop the hat. They scream at each other and you really feel tempted to move away all sharp and harmful objects, lest they stab each other. It is sort of ok when they do it at home- only I have to witness it (they dare not scream that way in front of Dad) but when they do it in office, it can get a leeeeetle embarrassing, so I try to distract the staff with inane jokes. They’re neither funny, nor original and the staff has to bear the double torture of putting up with the fight and my jokes! So, this is a habit I am trying to get out of. But again, when they shout, writing is impossible.

5.I admit. All the other excuses, are just excuses, nothing concrete. I was busy and rest of the time I was just plain lazy. But I really could not get myself to do anything I loved- I didn’t go for walks, blog or even eat junk! So, it was sort of a sabbatical from all that I loved and NOW I AM BACK!(You are supposed to rejoice, not feel scared!)

So “Hi again! Wassup??”

Trekking days and fun memories...(not a funny post, but you know me, couldn't resist...)

Kochi is getting hot again...no rains for two days. Guess, this is really affecting my mood. So, to cheer myself up I thought I would write in:)
Actually I was asking Upair to take me out the other day. And he told me that there are no places to see in Kochi...yeah, right ! All those tourists who come here, might be here just because of the fame Ida and Upair bring to this city, 'coz there is nothing else to see!
So, I went and searched the net and gave him a list of places that are there in and around Kochi... and his reaction:? Well, these places are just over-hyped...
But at least we did go to Athirampally, so I'll quit complaining, for the time being...
I really used have a fun time when I was doing my post graduation in Pune. We would have classes from 9 to 9 and have every Thursday off and on Thursdays we had to do compulsory NGO work.... so wondering what could be so great about such a life, eh?
Actually so am I...stupid me...that was not the part of my life that I wanted to write about...what was great was that our class as a whole would go off on these treks:
Panchgani: We had gone there for a "Moral Re-armament Camp"...not that there was anything wrong with us morally (wink, wink)(winking some more in case you thought that the previous winks meant that we were morally all perfect) . We had the most wonderful time…we had to get up at five everyday…in the cold, rainy season, which is not so great. But misery loves company and since all of us were getting up, it was a pleasure. We explored the area, meditated, spent time with ourselves, wrote diaries and of course, because thekochiblogger is writing this, you have to expect this, gorged down amazingly tasty food…ah! Heaven!

Lonavala: We’d been trekking there and when we went there it rained, rained and rained some more. So, all I really remember is lots of fog, water and vada-paav and hot tea. Everything else is as slushy as the ground must have been….But I do remember the joy it brought(yes, vada-paav, of course, but not only that, c’mon, gimme some credit, I really loved the feel the exercise brought too! Nowadays whenever I feel like exercising, I just recollect the amount of effort I put in there…I think that was enough for a life-time: )) and feel 21 again!

Khandala: With all the hype “Aati kya Khandala”(Hindi movie song, starring Aamir Khan and Rani Mukherjee and those who don’t know this song will not understand the hype, so what is the point explaining it to you, anyway?) gave it, you would have expected me to go there…but I didn’t. We just stopped there on our way to some place…those days we used to go trekking to so many places that I forget exactly where we were going, but we did have hot chocolate fudge in Khandala and that is a memory worth treasuring.
Singhagad(not sure about the spelling…): The most imposing fort ever…truly, it was breathtaking. We had this looooooong climb up and kept cribbing all the way but when we reached up and looked down…wow! The astounding view was more than enough to make any effort worth it.

Hanuman Tekdi(again, spelling, uncertain-oops): Not to be confused with Thekkady in Kerala, which though beautiful, is nowhere near Pune, so why would anyone ever confuse it?…but that is how thekochiblogger operates…I see to it that you have a complete, confusion-free description of everything…ok, you can thank me later…ok, you can thank me now, if you so insist….but let me come back to Hanuman Tekdi which is this smaaal hill near Pune…it was our way to get out of the city, fast. Whenever we had a free hour, we would head that way…. the sight, must be seen to be believed…

Ah, those were the only times when life allowed me to trek…Miss the Maharashtra hills (or mountains…or whatever those elevated places are called…) Somewhere in these places I tasted strawberries and cream for the first time, had the hugest bread sandwich ever…I have felt closest to death and closest to life while trekking these hills…and if that is not Nirvana, Nirvana might not be all that great.

Actually stuff I wrote, as I did not want to work, read it only if you don't have any work...

Been reading and re-dreading without a single word ACTUALLY entering my brain. The topic? Horse grams! It is for my website: http://www.vegetablebuzz.com. You may click the link at your own risk, ‘coz this website is boring. Unless, you are really passionate about vegetable, gardening, cooking…the works. There, you have it, a disclaimer.


I have a friend, you know, a real good friend, the sort who can insult you and still be your friend? Well, she is that sort and she told me she tried going through my website and “Kitna boring hai bhai!” (A rhetoric in hindi “How boring is it?”…the bhai part is brother, but as she is not my brother and I am not her brother, that adds no meaning to it…except maybe serving as an equivalent for “dude”…but we are not here to learn Hindi grammar, are we? Let’s move on already…)
After getting this amazing compliment I have stopped directing anyone else to my website(Except you guys, but it did come with a disclaimer, so don’t complain…please, I don’t think my little heart can tolerate any more insults) I will just secretly add material to it and when one day it becomes THE WEBSITE. The website that is the last word on vegetables and I am declared the undisputable veggie queen, we’ll see who has the last laugh…grrr….seriously, I don’t see that happening- EVER. When I use up the time allotted for the website to write into my blog, there is only one future I can see for it- and that ain’t too bright.
But I promise myself I will go back to it and write the most fun articles in the history of vegetabledom…but first, lemme take a break to refresh my brain…
Went to Coimby yesterday… “What, again?” you ask. True, I should not torture my poor parents this often with my company…but my sis is pregnant and my MIL had to go “see” her, you know, “see” as in take kilos of sweets and snacks for her. Lucky neighbours! ‘Coz try as I might, I cannot imagine my sis eating all the stuff and even if my entire family put heart and soul into it, they would not be able to finish it all…so who benefits? The Neighbours. Besides I don’t think my sis will have vacancy for even a tiny food morsel after all the food my mom has been stuffing her with!

Being a pregnant lady in India is not easy, I will tell you that – after having seen my two sisters and a sister-in-law go through the torture of motherhood (shhhh…please don’t tell my MIL, my mom won’t mind, she knows I am deranged and doesn’t take anything I say seriously. MIL has not yet discovered this…I hope…) I am sort of a second-hand expert. First they are made to eat everything that they hate- from ghee, to sweets, to milk, to eggs(proteins, proteins and more proteins)…of course with all the proteins come fats, but moms are blind to this and continue forcing their daughters. And if that is not enough, they also eat everything they crave- because a pregnant lady’s cravings should not be ignored, plus they have to eat all the stuff that anybody who was ever pregnant and delivered a normal baby suggests. And this is just the tip of the iceberg…
But kidding apart, I am sure Indian women who are pregnant get the best treatment ever, they are treated like queens…but I guess when you are pregnant you are just too frustrated to notice…it is only after delivery, when sleepless nights take over and she turns into a veritable milk van, and the hubby suddenly becomes rude again that she actually looks upon her pregnant days as “those glorious days”.
So, the point I am trying to make is that, I have only experienced pregnancy second-hand and don’t know jack-shit about anything, so if I write this there is no reason that this is how things are…and since you wasted your time reading through this blog and could not come out with anything of value here’s a huge hug (((((HUGS)))))…
I am now crossing my fingers, hoping that I have something better to write tomorrow and that you’ll come back again- with all the hug bribe and all- and are not TOTALLY put off by the crap I wrote today.
Thanks: )

From Jayalakshmi..all the way to heaven, Ida gives you the best trips ever!

Rain, rain and more rain…Kochi is getting cleaned big-time. I had been planning to go visit my cousin, but the rain just does not allow that and I guess, she will just have to be deprived of my company.
Yesterday, I went to Jayalakshmi. According to Upair it is better than Seemati and Kalyan etc. I wouldn’t know because, unlike all women stereotypes, I LOATHE shopping. I try to put off shopping until it is unavoidable. Whenever I really need something, I just beg one my lady friends to buy it for me. Most of them have such patience for buying stuff. They carefully look at the material, the embroidery, search for damages. They look at thousands of pieces to select one. They bargain endlessly with the shopkeepers and seem to know instinctively what price he will settle at. I am hopeless in such matters.

I really like good clothes. Who doesn’t? But I just don’t have the patience to find the stuff I am looking for. It is the same with jewelry. I see all these women who careful co-ordinate their jewelry with their clothes and I really admire them. And then if someone points it out, I also notice how well they have matched their other accessories- their purses, shoes, husbands etc to compliment their dressing and I am like, “I am a total, complete, LOSER”.

But then I think of the hours they would have had to shop for these things, the time they would have to spend on the dressing-up and how careful they have to be, lest they spoil their careful ensemble and I feel pretty relieved. The time would be better utilized reading, surfing, eating, sleeping or writing…then I see all the snaps of parties and notice that I am the only one who looks like a rebel from a neighboring tribe who whilst escaping ended up in the party, while all the others look as if they have been specially invited by Pratibha Patil for a special ceremony in their honor, I get second thoughts about my sense of relief….
It is around this point that I turn towards the nearest food joint and THAT usually helps A LOT!
Speaking of food, after Jayalakshmi, we went to Dominos. Both of us like the pizza at Dominos more than Pizza Hut. We prefer the ambience in Pizza Hut and the service but the food is definitely better at Dominos. Especially “cheese burst” pizza. It all messy with white liquid oozing all over the sides but boy! what a lovely mess that is!


I was wondering if I die and go to heaven…I know, that is a big “IF” ‘coz:
a. We don’t know if there is a heaven, which I don’t think there is. It is just a way to justify our misery on earth.
b. We don’t know if I have a seat in heaven. I am a liar, a sinner and I have made my parents and loved ones miserable many times, I am jealous and bitchy, I am never satisfied with what I have, I also blog to harass strangers I cannot see…I know, I know, this and many other sins make up Ida but when you think that hell is going to be overpopulated anyway because there are people who have done much worse- I mean where would all those rapists, molesters, abusers, murderers etc go? And when you see the number of those REALLY evil ones, you wonder if there will be place for less evil ones like me. Which means that I might actually be able to find a place in heaven ‘coz hell would be way too populated and they would have to find some place for me…
But anyway, I was wondering if we go to heaven we would be stuck with “God food”. Like all those sweet/bland dishes you see at poojas – laddoos, payasam(kheer), peda, modak, puris and soondal(boiled chana) or if you think of Christian gods- Bread and wine. I do not know about other religions, but if other religions have “God food” and that is better than these I AM CONVERTING. ‘Coz if there is only God food in heaven then I just cannot survive!
Plus, I hope heaven is not all golden- golden trees, houses, roads etc, as they show in the pictures. THAT WOULD BE GROSS!!!!! If it is all golden, I hope I have a good pair of sunglasses! I mean, who would imagine a heaven like that? Must have been a mallu…who else can be THAT gold-crazy?

And while we are at it, I hope when I go to heaven, ok, IF I go to heaven, I get to use God’s shampoo ‘coz all these heaven pictures have Gods and Goddesses with really lovely hair….
Do you think fashion ever changes in heaven? If no one has any work to do, what do they do all day and who does the WORK? And if we have to work in heaven, why is it heaven again? I wonder if you can have unprotected sex in heaven, ‘coz nobody reproduces in heaven, right, so there should be no issue…And also if smokers and non-smokers go to different heaven? Well…I REALLY want to die now, the mystery is killing me...

Awesome view, awful coffee and other things about Chalakudy

Upair has finally gotten into the "having fun" mood and on Sunday we went to Chalakudy. For those of you who are clueless (which is ok 'coz this list could include people FROM Kerala too, so those who are not from here, don't feel bad about your poor Geography.... but those from Kerala who don't know where and what Chalakudy is- how did you every pass 10th? On second thoughts, don't tell me!), let Prof. Ida enlighten you:
Chalakudy has the most beautiful waterfalls in the history of humanity as witnessed by Ida- because Ida has not seen too many waterfalls, or too much of humanity’s history, for that matter...

It is just vast stretches of beautiful, Jurassic Park-isque roads, leading to the most spectacular view ever...The weather was just perfect- the sort when it is just about to rain, but it doesn’t…you know the sort of feeling you get when you feel you are full but then you see ice-cream and think that you can mange to squeeze it in and you do and you feel all happy that you did not throw up… And then you notice that your figure hugging dress has gone really tight and then you have to hold your tummy in so that nobody notices how full you are, but you are, in reality, so full that everyone notices anyway?.... well, the clouds looked full in a similar way- as if they were trying to hold their tummy in and were really smug about the last cone of ice-cream they got to have…except that for clouds it will have to be water drops and not ice-cream, but I guess you guessed that already, even though you are clueless about Geography…Lovely roads...can't you just imagine

Dinos round the corner??

And it had just rained before and so all the trees had been scrubbed clean and looked fresh and green, as only plants can (if we were to look green, we would look like a terminally ill patient…not that I mean to offend terminally ill patients or I mean to imply that they are green…ah, you get my drift…)
And as we progressed, we could see whole line-up of monkeys, at this point I should be pointing out the similarities between Upair and a monkey, but I will resist the temptation…We stopped at a place that offered a clear view of the Athirappilly falls (called Athirampally falls in Malayalam…somehow, the English always managed to skip or modify the names of our places!) It was just wonderful…. glorious milky white water was frothing down the rocks and sending up vapours that made the whole scene look ethereal…did I say milky white? Well, actually one side of the water looked VERY dirty and this set Upair and me thinking as to what could be the reason…Upair, as usual, with his fascination for the macabre thought that there must be some dead body up there and all the blood was making the water dirty…

Athirappilly falls

If you can't read the red letters- they say "DIRTY WATER" in "adult" Ida scribble

We saw others at the spot drinking tea/coffee and felt that that was exactly what we should do…there is something about drinking coffee, when it is cold and you have this lovely scenery (even if tainted with a dead body’s blood) that just can’t be expressed in words…it is like eating popcorn during movies…so anyway, there was this small shack right behind us and we got ourselves coffee. And sipped it all ready to breathe out in sheer ecstasy, but AAH! YUCK!!! it was the worst coffee I have ever had- including the coffee I make, and that is really saying something- it had tiny blobs of milk-like-paper-like thingies that were impossible to swallow…if you ever go down there, my advice- DO NOT drink coffee from the shack/shop.
This minor incident forgotten, we were on the road again, more beautiful roads, more monkeys…we stopped in-between to take snaps of the roads and Upair’s car ‘coz that is his first wife … as we got out I saw this teeny-little trickle of water, a baby waterfall, which I named “Upair and Ida Waterfall”, of course I did not tell Upair this, ‘coz he would not understand it…

Upair's first love- the car!
"Upair and Ida Baby Waterfalls"

Wooow, this post is becoming long, so lemme shorten this- there were 2 other beautiful waterfalls- Charpa and Vazhachal. Vazhachal is as famous as Athirappilly and Charpa is just a small little fall that got a name because it was in the right area!
There are some water theme parks en route too, and they’ve advertised massively, so they are difficult to miss…. we didn’t go there, so no comments.

Charpa Falls

Well, that brings us to the end of the journey…downhill was uneventful, except for Upair getting over-excited with the beautifully curving roads and driving as if he was playing a video-game and me finally throwing up…but what the hell, it was all worth it! And the dinner Upair got me made up for it in a big way- more about that later.

Ta-ta for now and take care…

Post about Delhi and food..and , um, food, and... well...mostly food and that's about it...

Today is kinda breezy outside…it is just like the Holi season in Delhi, except that there are no kids on the rooftops, just waiting to throw water balloons, eggs and anything else that is liquidy(I know there is no such word..) or gooey at you and there are no uncles standing on the rooftops waiting to ogle at young, wet dames…I mean there are uncles, but as there are no young, wet dames around, they do not have much to ogle at, their best bet would be to pray for it to rain, I mean, had I been a desperate uncle, I would be praying to Indra THIS VERY MINUTE!
The climate outside makes me really miss my Delhi days, sigh!…We would go out walking everyday and in every season with just one mission- FOOD!
We were an odd group- diverse culturally- two Punjabis, one Haryanvi, one Telugu, one Tamilian, one mallu raised in Orissa and yours truly, another mallu, raised all over India…and yet there was one thing that brought us together, one thing that kept us toghether through stress, fights and heartbreaks, the one thing that was a common passion- FOOD! (I mean that was kind of obvious, wasn’t it? Did all my senti nonsense fool you people into thinking that I was going to write about something serious???)

We would walk down the roads- out first stop would be for some HOT vada at “Madras Cafe”, which was nothing more than a glorified parapet sheet supported by four bamboos, right next to the open drainage providing additional delight! The best ambience ever…as you inhaled the excellent smell of the drain, you ate oil-rich vada and were entertained by the live mosquito orchestra…which would occasionally eat a bit of you, or occasionally form a part of you food intake, such SYMBIOSIS!

Up the street, the next stop would be Agarwal’s…here I just had to have the “protozoan water balls” as my sir called it, also known as “golguppa”, “pochka” or “pani puri”. They were again served next to the open drain and as the day progressed, the number of germs in the golguppa proportionately increased. I know the stuck-up ones reading this might be crinkling their noses, but you do not know the true India. I mean, we live for the street food- hospitals, stomach upsets, typhoid, cholera, diphtheria, malaria, jaundice, dysentery etc are just things you learn to live with…I mean, you would die anyway, who would want to die without having first tasted such delights? Street food is good ‘coz:
a.You prove your love for the culinary traditions of the country
b.You improve your immune system by exposing it to the ruthless world out there
c.You help a man (or woman, let’s not be sexist here…) earn a living
d.You once and for all establish the dominance of The Tongue over all other systems of the body
e.Your boring walk to any place becomes instantly interesting
See? And this is all that I could think up right now, if I thought some more, I am sure I’ll find more points. But coming back to Dilli days…Agarwal’s was also great place for hot jalebis, gulab jamuns, bread pakodas, samosas, mathri, kachori…. the list is long…

We would then stop at a bakery-Duke’s- yes the hoity-toity ones sitting there can at last exhale in relief…we are now on “clean grounds”. Here it would be Kathi rolls, rum balls, truffles, burgers or whatever caught our fancy and then we would head for a juice shop to wash it all down with a shake….
I mean, how can one concentrate on studies, without a little something in the tummy?

I realize I have a whole list of places still uncovered… have I made you hungry yet, or should I go on???? Forget it, let me go grab a snack….bon appetite y’all.

My template is like my husband...

Dear Diary,

This is what I did today:
I decided to change the template of my blog, because even though it is good and all it is too perfect to reflect the real "me".
Then I searched a million(419,000,000) websites and selected templates that reflected the real me.
Then I tried the new templates to see how they looked, only to discover that I would lose my widgets if I tried a new template.
So I dug through 49,100 pages for "how to save followers widget when changing template" And learnt how to do it from http://bloggersentral.blogspot.com/2009/04/keeping-your-widgets-when-changing.html
Then I thought of trying it on my blog.
But then I stopped myself because, I realized that this template is just like Upair. It might not be exactly what I wanted, it might not be my carbon copy, but I have grown to like it for what it is. I am used to it, and it is lovely in its own way...so dear diary, I guess I will stick to this.

Ida.

Sneezing through history....

‘Ello peepillz, as we say in Kerala, I am back!! Had a really fun time in Coimby and mom’s food was as delicious as ever (I mean, I know, all kids say their moms cook well but my mom REALLY cooks well!)
Came back on Sunday, I know, I know, I could have posted yesterday, but I was being the lazy bum that I am something really important came up. So, I thought better late than never and started typing this post.
I had the most terrible cold in the history of humanity on Sunday but that did not stop me from going out with Upair, so that I could get fodder for this blog of mine. See the sacrifices I make for you guys…I wouldn’t be surprised if Pope wants to Beatify me (Sorry, I have no clue how the beatification process goes, but I am pretty saintly, I really am, but I am not insulting the saints here, it is just that I think that Pope might think so, I can think right? Btw, do they beatify one for sacrificing? And don’t tell me you don’t wish to be a saint in your heart of hearts…all those TV serials being produced in your name, tourists coming to your birth place and what not…C’mon, be honest…)
So, anyway, we went to this Museum in Thevara called “Kerala Folklore Theatre and Museum”. It was truly El Superbo! (Yeah, I am not happy killing English, I have to try my hand at other languages). It is a private collection of this person who also trades in antiques. The entire place takes you back to the age when people had time in their hands and art was really an art and aesthetics were held supreme.

Right from the gate, to the fan, to the displayed objects, you can find history speaking to you. There are antique masks and musical instrument, statues and paintings, a huge collection of lamps and ornaments. Each piece of work is a story unto itself. The lady who was guiding us was helpful and even though I was sneezing throughout, she did not once show disgust, heh!heh! I tried my best to keep my mouth shut, but being the fountain of wisdom that I am, I had to comment and ask questions throughout….hmmm… I wonder why she was paying more attention to Upair than me, I mean a few intellectual questions from Ida, what could be more welcome than that?
Of course, the entire place is not old, they have AC and switch boards, that couldn’t have been antiques (unless there was a genius who created AC in the past but because he was ahead of his times, he was given no attention and AC was finally created by whoever it is we credit creation of AC with. Highly possible though it is, the AC s in this museum did not belong to that genius and he, till date, remains unknown…sigh!), have been well disguised to look old. Like, there is this wooden statue-like thingy covering the switchboards and the AC looks like the cabinets from olden times. I wish I could have taken pictures but photography inside was “strictly prohibited”. But Upair did get a few shots from outside…so, once again let’s thank Upair.(All rise, say “Thank You Upair”, now sit.) But anyway, since I have not taken any awesome shots of the inside, you will just have to imagine that the place looked awesome…
Most of the collection is from South India, though they do have Chinaware and Portuguese stuff…which came from the days of trade relations and/or colonization.
So, if you were in Kochi with say an hour to kill, this would be a nice spot to hit.
I did sneeze all over the place, but I am sure I did not infect any area because I use a handkerchief. So you can go there feeling pretty safe.
Wellllllllllll ta-ta for now, more coming soon….byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

A few pics from the website...'coz they would not let us shoot inside!

The Kochi blogger remains the Kochi blogger and the world continues to be a happy place...

Kochi- home sweet home

Coimbatore- home sweet home too....

Yippppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I am going home- Coimbatore- tomorrow (I call Patna, Delhi, Pune, Chennai, Alappuzha, Kochi AND Coimbatore my home, but that is another story, for another day- lucky you!!!)
Coimbatore is where my parents decided to settle, close enough to Kerala- from where they originally are but not close enough for relatives to constantly pester them…pretty clever, eh?
I have a cousin who recently moved to Kochi with her hubby and she decided to opt for a place in my area- she has an uncle in this area too and she decided that staying close to relatives (her uncle and Ida plus their respective families= loads of people!!) might be a good idea- poor soul, she really has a lot to learn, doesn’t she??? Especially if she is staying close Ida, she will get “special” lessons in life that she never needed, and I have so much of unnecessary info that I am just waiting to share, she would be ideal!Yeah, I am pretty benevolent that way…
She has no idea what she is in for…this is going to be fun!!!!!
But anyway, before I got distracted with the possibility of making my dear cousin’s life interesting (which is a pretty distracting topic, but what to do…I have other things to write, sigh) I was saying that I am going to Coimbatore…maybe I must change my name to “the Coimbatore blogger” for a few days, except that I would not be there for more than 3-4 days and then I will have to change back again to “the Kochi blogger”, and I do not know if I will be blogging from there, so it could all be a waste of time. Besides which, it is also possible that somebody else wants the name “the Coimbatore blogger” and if I use it, the person would be deprived of the name…plus when I want the name “the Kochi blogger” back, it is equally possible that someone else might have wanted the name, seeing how great a blog “the Kochi blogger” is set to become (ok, you people can wipe that smirk off your faces…), and this person may STEAL MY BLOG!!! And then I will have to kill the person to get back “the Kochi blogger”, (yeah, I saw Terminator Salvation recently) which is of course mine, and what if the person doesn’t like the idea of being killed and is a psychopath who just does not understand that my life is more precious than his? That could be really messy….. what I am basically trying to say is that I am saving the Coimbatore blogger, the future Kochi blogger and all of us a lot of trouble… “AND YET AGAIN, IDA SAVES THE WORLD”!!!!!!!!!!
So, while Kochi is sure to be mourning my loss for a few days, Coimbatore is waiting with bated breath (is bated breath the term I am looking for? Hmm…not sure, but you get the drift…)
So, as I face the prospects of a few days of unadulterated, mummy-cooked food-o-maina, an unleashed fest of gluttony...let me smile that enigmatic smile of mine and say…see you people soon with reports from Coimbatore…and remember, I will still be “the Kochi blogger”, and NOT the Coimbatore blogger, ok?

Ida becomes a visionary and preaches religion(which one??)

You know, I have been typing this post like billion times, and each time it JUST DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT, ok, so you guys will just have to forgive me...I have just resigned myself to my fate- this will not be a great post(don't you DARE suggest the others were not great either, I know how they were, but a woman can give in to occasional fantasies, can't she?)
Been bed ridden for past two days...just before I fell ill I told my hubby dear that I had a feeling I was going to fall ill...he is so used to me falling ill that he now hardly reacts when I say something like this...time was when I just had to sigh and he would be hugging me and consoling me and time is now when I would be lying in bed, unable to move a muscle, he would just look in and say "do you think you can make me a coffee..." humph!
So, as predicted, I fell ill...another prophesy comes true...these days everything I say comes true...I had placed a plate of milk in front of our cat and predicted that she would drink milk and guess what? she did...I had predicted that it will rain, and it did, when I predicted that it won't, lo and behold! it didn't(of course that is how monsoons in Kerela work, but why are we even discussing this topic?)..
So you know I have this feeling that my prophetic vision is getting stronger by the day...maybe I should start doing this professionally, like Nostradamus ...but wasn't he like killed or something? Let's not try Nostradamus then, maybe I can be "Mata Ida" or "St. Ida" or "whatever-you-call-god-people-in-other-religions Ida" That would be neat, eh? Being agnostic myself, I might just have to bumble my way through things, but hey, who doesn't? And with my prophetic vision, it really does not matter...
So, what do you guys say? Who wants to join me in the most profitable business ever??Limited seats only... Free predictions for first few entries...Hurry...offer expires soon...

PS: Yes, I am writing this in a totally "high" state with all the medications, I dedicate this masterpiece to my doctors!!

We love the things we hate about each other...but what we "really" love is to sleep

So, our marriage is now officially one year old. Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary....and all Upair has till now to show of it is a few months of continuous headache, a few (like 3-dozen-a-day....pretty low, right) acidity attacks, a teeny- little potbelly and that's about it...I mean, no prescriptions for Prozac or Xanax or any other fun stuff all other married couple have!! I know, I am pretty slow...but months of headache, I can't be ALL bad at this "being wife" business,huh?
I know he often has tears in his eyes, but that must just be the joy of living with me, right?
The basic problem is that his idea of ideal wife is this




And I am more like this

(I don't know if I am allowed to use these pictures, but hey, whoever owns this, you must understand that you are contributing to a great cause- explaining to the world what I would never have been able to in words, and besides I have given links to your site, so you get free back links and you must be happy, but if you would still want me to remove it...just write in...)

So, anyway, now you know what lies at the crux of a happy marriage- a husband who has so bad a headache that he cannot notice what's wrong with his wife anymore and a wife so ill all the time that she is beyond thinking about anything but sleep...

Therefore, you can safely say that we "slept" our way through one full year of married life...others might tell you that you have to communicate...that is true, you MUST talk, but not to each other...my hubby talks to his cars and gadgets, I talk to random strangers on the internet...see, perfect harmony...

We went out to The Rennaissance yesterday(the name of a Hotel and not a theatre group)...I was dissapointed to find that the waiters there do NOT dress up like Rennaissance artists and they do not have brush-shaped forks and knives and verses of poem printed on the tablecloth....does nobody have a sense of theme anymore??? But seriously, the place looked great and the food was even better and I would reccomend it to anybody who loaths bland food, 'coz the food there is anything but bland...

We are both like seated in this romantic table and I am all thinking about how in-love we must look and Upair actually says the most romantic thing he can say, he calls me "Mandi"(Something equal to an Idiot in Malayalam, but in a sweet way)..yeah, coming from Upair, that's high romance....so now I am all over the moon and can't stop all the love that is flowing out of me....we finished dinner, went for a leeetle drive, came back and slept...slept, seriously, that was us after one year:) Still surviving.....

Hungry Heart!!!

Facebook is depressing...started taking a quiz today"What is missing in your life?" and I come across this question:
What is NOT lacking in your current living situation?

1. Financial achievement
2. Friends
3. Adventure
4. Freedom

Have you ever seen anything so atrocious? Is it just me? Am I the only one who had to spend the longest time puzzling over this question? ALL THE FOUR ARE LACKING!!!! How can I select one? Felt like a complete loser and was humming "I want to break free..."all day long:(
But anyway, depressing thoughts aside, today we discuss FOOD!!
First up is the Attic or The Attic- Steak House in Marine drive...
it seems the place was very famous for its steaks till something went wrong and the food started tasting not-too-great.
But anyway, Upair and I went there last week and found the food SUPERB. They have changed the cook, a new management and new menu, lesser steaks and more continental cuisine....after going through the unpronounceable menu(yeah, I am like TOTALLY sophisticated-- see, I can even spell the word!!!) I finally ordered the only thing I could pronounce- lasagna. Upair order chicken something-or-the other, which had fried chicken stuffed with cheesy somethin and mashed potatoes...both the dishes were YUMMMMMMMMMMMM!! Can't wait to go there again.

The lasagna and chicken-something looked like this

There is a newly re-done mallu restaurant right under it- the Ela, not tried it out. If any of you go, do let me know how it is....
Let's move on now...
Then we went to Cafe Coffee Day for some Grande Latte- it was ok, but last time was better.
While we are on the topic of food, the best topic anyone can choose to be on, in fact the only topic worth discussing, in fact the only topic I can discuss with my mouth shut ('coz I'll be too busy chewing), let me tell you about what we did yesterday...
Saw Wolverine...good movie...blah, blah, blah...now we go to FOOD!
We went to Pizza hut. I think it has been 2 months since we last went....the whole place has changed. I cannot decide whether I like the new decor or not. It looks lovely, true, but it also looks a bit formal. Earlier it had more "youngish" look. Maybe it is because its target audience- ME AND YOU- is growing older that the look was changed...I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!!!!
Food as usual was good, I love the spicy garlic bread over there, so we had that too!

At least the food does not look formal:)

Well, want to write more, but I suddenly thought of facebook and the first point, the "financial" point, gotta go do something about that...so let me go mint my 1 cent and 2 cents...
You all have a blast of a week!
BYEEEEEE!

PS:These pictures are from the net...not mine, so may not be like the real thing...yeah, another "smart" Ida move:)

How I could be a birdbrain and a genius in the same blog post....

Here I am again, I was planning on posting this earlier but other important things came up- there were some really fun Disney youtube videos that I just had to see (of course the fact that I was going to get a whole $0.02 for every view helped the cheapo in me).

I sat through the whole clip, only to realize that you have to be a member of youtube to write reviews. So had to create a new account and sign in. I am really tired of signing up everywhere. I keep forgetting the passwords. I used to have one password for all my accounts but it was just another thing for Upair to tease me with. “All women are the same…they are too birdbrained to remember more than one password and they do not realize how unsafe it is”…hmmm…just to prove to him that I was no birdbrain, I decided to have new passwords for all the places I signed up.

Except that I did end up forgetting all the passwords, so now I actually AM a proven birdbrain. But then I discovered this bright method of “customizing” my passwords. My password would simply be the name of the website. If it was too short, I just repeated the name of the site twice.
I know, I know, it must be too difficult to figure out my genius. Here’s an example:

Say I was starting an account on Google, my password would be google or googlegoogle. Brilliant, aren’t I? Except that now I have written it on my blog, every crook out there wishing to steal my money would know exactly what my password is…hmmm…writing this was not too bright thing to do, eh? But I guess not many hackers out there will be willing to actually go into the trouble of getting into my account to get the $0.02 that I earned watching youtube… ‘coz that’s all there is. Really! Trust a birdbrain to tell the truth!

So, coming back to the post, I had mentioned a park yesterday, turns out its name is Priyadarshini park. Upair looked it up on the Google maps for me, so you can be sure. Had I looked it up, I would have found out Brindavan Gardens in Karnataka and not know the difference and you would gone around searching for Brindavan gardens all around Kochi. And some “helpful” youngster would have given you the direction to the gays' park in Kochi (Yes, there is such a place, except that it is called something else and I am not going to tell you what it is really called!)…and you would have been like , “Why did Ida find this park spectacular?” and then would have Googled Brindavan Gardens and would have discovered that it is in Karnataka and you would know really how stupid I could be…thanks to Upair, we were all saved a lot of trouble…

The Park (Priyadarshini, not Brindavan, and not gays' park, either, you perv!) is near the Taj Malabar Hotel. And believe me it is worth forgetting the atrociously priced food in Taj Malabar and giving it a miss and heading for the park. The scenery is too good to be missed. The walkway in front of it also has a name that Google map doesn’t mention. Upair and I have read the name a thousand times but the birdbrained me and the not-so-birdbrained Upair have totally forgotten the name of the road. See, you do not get too far in life by not being birdbrained…why not stick to the simple birdbrained state? But I AM NOT BIRDBRAINED and don’t you dare suggest that…

I am including few snaps of the spooky place I had mentioned. Unfortunately the camera worked a bit too well and the place looks brighter in the photo than it really is. Boo-hoo, it does not look gloomy anymore: (

The Not-spooky-enough Priyadarshini Park(NOT BRINDAVAN GARDENS)

Well, this has again turned out to be long post. You guys are really a talkative bunch!! Oops, just looked at the comments and saw “0” comments…I guess I became a little extra chatty. So, again I am not able to write about the Attic. All that and more in the next post, ok?

((((((Hugs))))))

Hanky-panky in the Park!

It is Friday already and I can't say that I am not glad to see that the week is finally coming to a close. The most difficult part of the week for me in Thursday.
Monday you know you have to face the drudgery of the week, Tuesday again you are resigned to your fate, by Wednesday depression starts creeping and by the time it is Thursday you are ready to buy an unlicensed gun and shoot everyone and anything in sight (Yes, INCLUDING, the sweet neighborhood aunty, because what gives her the right to be so cheerful when you are drowning in misery?) You cry yourself to sleep on Thursday. And miracles of miracles, the never-ending week becomes a Friday!!! And weekend is just around the corner. Oh mercy, mercy, mercy, at last!!!
So, here we are, on that day, which makes endless boredom worthwhile, cause there is hope ...
Last weekend Upair, my hubby, and I had gone to the Attic....Oh, oh, oh! Lemme not forget, even before that, we had gone to this lovely little park (even before that we had gone to the South Railway station to drop off Upair's sis and hubby, but now that would not be of interest to you, would it?). It is in the naval area , near the lovely walkway...I have forgotten the name of the walkway(Heh-heh-heh!Yes, now that you have finished laughing, maybe we can continue...) but I will ask Upair and let you know tomorrow(Or whenever it is that I blog next).
But I digress, I was speaking about the lovely park, oh, it was beautiful....there was one part that had a kind of circular seating arrangement and there was no roof, except that climbers were climbing all over the place and they had sort of interlinked on the top, making a "natural" roof.
I am sure there is a name for such a thing but I'll be darned if I know what it is...my description of the place sucks, so lemme see if I can find some snaps of it to post it...
But anyway, the end result was truly spectacular! It looked right out of horror movies. All we needed was a "white-saree-aunty-with-long-open-hair" and we would be set. Upair and I were giggling away on these reflections, and generally trying to decide who best suited the role- if you would see us, you will know that that the competition is tough- me being more horrible looking and he being more scary looking....But anyway, we are doing this when we see a middle-aged person passing by with two young girls, presumably his daughters, and giving us the dirtiest look possible. And as we try to figure our what could be wrong, we see another group of elders with the same disapproving expression. And then another, and another....
And we are like giving each other these blank stares, absolutely clueless as to what is happening. And then suddenly it strikes us. They think we are desperate couple, surely up to hanky-panky in the park....our spooky location might have somehow seemed romantic to them. Or maybe they feel horror makes us kinky...or who knows...you just have to see a young(relatively) guy and a young (again, relatively) girl together and you see people adding two and two together to get most complex equations in math!
So, we discreetly got up...of course by now I had caught a cold and was sneezing and snorting so loud that the kids thought that it was a thunder and clapped, so being discreet was not exactly possible. But, we tried, I hid my face in my hankie and Upair looked into his mobile phone...Yeah, Upair thinks that if he gets lost in the "cellular" world, he will actually vanish from sight- MEN, I tell you.
So, anyway, now we are like seated in a family area, in full view of the public...and I see a girl and a guy make way for "our" enclosure under the shrubs...they must be up to some hanky-panky, I think...well, not everyone is as innocent as Upair and Ida, right?
So there we sit on the bench, commenting on all the kids and then mosquitoes decide to join the fun. Of course, they all have to attack me, because Upair does not already have enough things to tease me with!
But anyway, after I make a scene with the mosquitoes and the other people in the park start looking at me as if I was the nuttiest thing they had seen after nut crackers, we finally decide to call it quits and head for "The Attic"...
Actually this post was going to be about that, but you people just ask too many questions and I know exactly what you will be asking, so I have to write all these other details, so no time now for the post on attic...more on it in the next post...
Till then bye-bye...and please keep your houses dirty- I hope all the mosquitoes have some place else to go except following me.....

Kochi- "K" is for Konfusion!!!!

Infopark and Smart city vs "veragu adippu" (stoves that use wood as fuel), women's liberation vs drunkards who beat their wives up, lastest mercedes cars vs buses that want to run you down, Yadav bhelpuri vs Best Bakery, scorching heat vs endless monsoon, ....A city of paradoxes, to say the least. I have been here for a year now and cannot decide whether I hate it or love it.
May be love it cause there is so much of scenery, maybe I hate it because there is too much garbage lying around,
May be I love the strong independant women, maybe I hate the submissive attitude they have towards the men,
Maybe I love the lovely,lovely walkways, maybe I hate the way too narrow roads,
I love some food, I hate others too....
So as you can see, I have a very messed up opinion of this place. As I discover more of life in this city, maybe my thoughts will get clear, but then again, maybe not...
Anyway, it is something write about...
And that's all that counts...or maybe not...????